Why is it that some, or even most of us have settled? Maybe we settled for a relationship because we felt as if we didn’t deserve a better one, or that we didn’t want to be alone, or that we see everyone else in a relationship, and we feel we must be in one too? Maybe we settle for mediocrity because we feel as if we cannot accomplish anything more, or that we are not good enough? Maybe we don’t improve ourselves as we may think we are not smart enough, not athletic enough, or too fat, or too skinny?
There are 7.94 billion people in the world. There are 331 million people in the USA alone. There are over 162 million women and over 157 million men in the USA. Do you seriously think there isn’t that one solid, true relationship that was meant for you out there? In addition, why would you think a relationship would, or should validate you? Human relationships do not validate you, God does!
Stop settling for mister or misses right now, verses the right one for you now, tomorrow, and forever!
God asks us to wait on Him. To be still, and listen, yet we often do not listen. May we realize that God has some special person designed for each of us, and when we make rash, unsound, unstable decisions in relationships God has not planned for us, it just puts that true relationship we were meant for, delayed, or may not happen now, and we incur, or live with heartache, heart break, and the repercussions of wrong life decisions. Our wrong relationship decision sent us backward from priceless time with the right relationship. Why waste priceless and precious time! Stop throwing away and wasting time! If someone gets in a wrong relationship just because they do not want to be alone, or that everyone else around them is dating, needs to make friends with themselves first, and love themselves first, before they can truly find, or be in a healthy relationship they were meant for.
I had a friend tell me, “Look, we are not getting any younger. We only have so many more years of life and we need to have a woman in our lives to share it with.” I didn’t respond right away to this comment and it confused me a little. The statement is true and false at the same time. Sure none of us are getting any younger. Sure, on average, we only have so many years of our life. However, a relationship is not what makes a life full of joy. In fact, being in the wrong relationships can make life very difficult in all areas of our life, physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. Please do not get me wrong, I enjoy sharing good life experiences with others, and what man wouldn’t enjoy a long term relationship with a woman. However, it should be the right woman.
Personally I have waited years before I even considered dating after divorce. In dating, after divorce, I took my time, and was not in a rush. I also had certain criteria and character traits as a priority before dating, or before a second, or third date was even considered. In which we all should. I also dated someone for many months before I even considered introducing them to my children. Just an FYI, and PSA; A parent should always put the emotional and mental health of their children first especially in regards to adult relationships.
Look, we have all made bad decisions, I know I have. However, I have also paid dearly for bad decisions, and have strived to learn from them and not repeat them. Especially as I have matured, grown older, and wiser. If we have made a bad relationship decision, and we break off and out of that bad relationship decision, do not go back to it. By the way, this includes friendships as well.
Remember Proverbs 26:11, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.” and 2 Peter 2:22, “Of them the proverbs are true: A dog returns to its vomit,” and, A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.’ “
And you and I are not dogs! Even without these bible verses or Christian overtones, it is simply stupid to continue making the same wrong decisions and mistakes. It is the definition of insanity.
In addition, none of us “need” the wrong relationship whether right now, or in the future. The line in the movie Jerry McQuire when Jerry McQuire said, “You complete me”, sounded great, right? However, please keep in mind that was a movie line and another person does not and cannot complete you. Biblically, God is Whom validates you. You were already complete when He created you. As I have heard a pastor say from a recent message, saying “You complete me” is actually a selfish statement as it is about ones self as it’s saying “I need you, because of me, and I need completed.”, as this pastor shared. Please keep in mind that if someone is always needing someone else, or feeling they must be in a relationship to feel complete is a co-dependent symptom. This is not emotionally and mentally healthy to constantly think you need or require a mate to be happy, and complete.
Why would we think we cannot improve, learn, and grow?
There are millions of people whom had near nothing, or with handicaps, and setbacks so intense it would make your head spin, that have achieved monumental success and some even changed the world. There are lists after lists of common people, or people with handicaps or adverse circumstances that did and accomplished amazing and extraordinary things. Why would we think we couldn’t improve, learn and grow, even if it was a baby step at a time?
If you are overweight or obese. Go see a doctor. Why wait?! Get your medical doctors diagnosis, and prognosis. If we can spend thousands of dollars on the latest gadgets, fashionable clothing, how much more is our own health worth? See that medical doctor, nutritionist, and certified health and fitness coach. Have each of them work together to design a plan, and work that plan. Step away from those unhealthy meals, behaviors, and get in motion. A visit to the doctor and nutritionist may cost you $250 each if you do not have health insurance, however how much did that “smartphone” cost that you are holding in your hand, or that second big flat screen you have cost? Isn’t your health worth more than a gadget?
Do you want a better job, or make more money? Would you like to retire comfortable? Then isn’t it time to do something about it? How about taking those extra courses, or finish your degree, or next degree? Many employers pay or help pay for additional education, and additional education helps open doors to promotions or better jobs. If you want to retire more comfortable, then watch your unnecessary spending, and pay off debt as fast as possible, and stay out of debt. Think first before you buy something if you truly need it, and if you are struggling financially, then think is this purchase required to live or life crucial? Eat more at home, and make dinners that are inexpensive that can be eaten as left overs for days. Maximize your 401k, get a self-directed IRA or ROTH IRA. Look into some low cost managed mutual funds. Create hobby or side hussle that you can make some extra money to save, invest, or pay off debt with.
Do you feel as if your faith is lacking? Do you feel distant from God? Would you like to grow closer in a relationship with Jesus Christ and have your loved ones along with you? Then start reading the bible more and more often. Create a daily time in eacg morning, day, or evening for a devotional, time in prayer, and inspirational music and invite or challenge your loved ones to join along. Stop missing church gatherings on Sunday, and get involved in a group at church. Attend mid-week bible studies. Plan gatherings and outings with your church friends and family.
Remember if your physical, mental, spiritual, and financial well being is important to you, you will make time to improve it! We all can find or make time for what is truly important to us. Maybe stay off those devices more, stop binge watching useless television programs, stop wasting so much time on social media, and stop comparing yourself with others. Comparison is the thief of joy.
The bible statement is true, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Matthew 6:21
Stop making excuses. Stop blaming others or your circumstances. Stop telling yourself you are too old, too weak, too skinny, too fat… Stop listening to the naysayers and negative complainers. Stop saying I can’t and instead say, “I will try and do my very best.”
Challenges are what make human beings come alive and grow. Adversities, mistakes, and setbacks should be leveraged as learning experiences, not permanent failures. I try to hold onto this saying that I derived from something a Christian Brother tried to convey to me during a difficult time in my life that I called a “Perfect Storm,”;
There are no circumstances uncommon to human kind, and no temptation too great that God has not made a way out. With the children of God, there are also no coincidences, just appointments, assignments, and something to learn.
Be patient, give yourself some credit that you are even alive, no matter your age. Get up, make a plan, work that plan, get out, and make it happen! Growth never comes from a place of comfort and stagnation. If you want a better relationship, be a better you, and allow the law of attraction to bring the right people into your life, and let the wrong people go. Be determined, disciplined, and diligent to become healthier physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. And guess what? You will attract others whom are also healthier physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially.
Don’t settle for less, when you are capable of so much more! You were not created for mediocrity. You were fearfully, miraculously, and wonderfully created for a purpose! So start right now, this day, this moment, to launch the gift of your life with Purpose, navigate with Principles, and explore with Passion!
“There is no passion found in settling for a life less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela
Don’t settle or your life may end up in a kettle!