Research: Anxiety and Depression (2023).

Posted on May 19, 2024 by DW

Anxiety and Depression

The topic chosen for this research paper is anxiety and depression. The intent of this research paper is to better describe, understand, and how to apply Christian counseling theories and Christian counseling techniques, if applicable, to the mental illnesses of anxiety and depression. The research may include definitions, diagnoses, prognosis, and statistics with appropriate references and citations.

Understanding that every Christian counselor has a theology – and spirituality, biomedical theory, and psychosocial theory, these theories may be discussed and how they may be applied to counseling people with anxiety and depression. However, in Christian counseling the integration of faith and spirituality is a key aspect to the therapeutic process. Therefore a more comprehensive approach in a Christian counseling theory would integrating biblical wisdom, personality theory, developmental constructs, psychopathology, and spiritual formation. The essential qualities of a complete Christian counseling theory must include and incorporate the Trinity. This paper will highlight some of the more effective theories and techniques discovered from the research.

One technique that may be particularly intriguing and information is Christian Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which will be researched, described, and how it may be applicable to counseling people with anxiety and depression. It is similar to Cognitive Behavior Therapy with the adopting of the truths and insights of scripture. Another technique that may be researched, described and how it may be applied to anxiety and depression is The Genesis Model of Intervention which discusses the initiative of God, the importance of location, and the application of location and relationship in counseling.

Anxiety and Depression: General Research

What is anxiety and depression and how does it impact individuals? The American Psychological Association (2023) describes it as an emotion which can cause ruminating thoughts of worry about or on a possibly future threat over a long term which can also produce physical symptoms. Depression is a long period of sadness lasting more than two weeks and interferes with normal thinking and daily routines, activities, and normal interests or hobbies an individual once enjoyed. Anxiety and depression is among the most common mental illnesses. It is also among the most financially burdensome, and debilitation. The root causes can be from a varying degree of factors such as injury, trauma, genetics, psychosocial environments and stressors (Davies et al., 2019). This poses curiosity to argue whether anxiety and depression is spiritual only as some religious denominations may have eluded, or is it due to injury, trauma, genetics, psychosocial environments and stressors, or is it a combination of both.

If anxiety and depression is among the most common, most costly and most debilitating what may be some of the best Christian theory and counseling techniques that may be the most effective? One theory researched and will be expounded upon is, A Grounded Theory Analysis (Elena et al., 2019). The counseling technique researched and will be expounded upon is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for depression and insomnia in dual diagnosis.

Anxiety and Depression: A Grounded Theory Analysis

This theory if very intriguing and may solidify the curiosity to argue whether mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression are solely spiritual or a combination of both, and if utilizing or integrating spiritual experiences with psychotherapy helps treat or alleviate symptoms. The Grounded Theory tested this hypothesis with a control group on nine participants

utilizing themes that contributed to spiritual experiences which were in pre sequences that led to the next theme and the results were symptom alleviation, a positive self-image, by securing a new relationship with God (Elena et al., 2019). This study is informative and intriguing as it substantiates the correlation between spirituality and mental health. In other words, Christian counseling theories and techniques are not only affective, they work in reducing other persuasive mental health disorder actions or behaviors such as self medication by over using or abusing drugs and alcohol, and suicide. According Elena et al., (2019) describes by applying religion and spirituality intervention in combination with psychotherapy such as this Grounded Theory Analysis has seen a reduction of at least 61%. This is good news for Christian counselor or anyone thinking or being Called into Christian counseling. It also demonstrates that mental illness is not just spiritual, or just physical or biological, it may be a combination of both. Therefore, both religion and spiritual, and psychotherapy can work together for positive results and positive outcomes.

Anxiety and Depression: Christian Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Technique

What is Christian Cognitive Therapy? The American Psychological Association (2023) describes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or (CBT) is an affective psychological treatment based on core principles such as faulty thinking, behaviors, and can apply a different way of thinking and initiating improved upon or changed behaviors to alleviate symptoms and live a mentally healthier and more productive life. It is being cognitive of our thoughts and actions by better applying critical thinking like learning to recognize distorted or even delusional thinking and apply logic, reason, and reality. In addition to facing perceived fears, phobias, assimilations with professionals, and strategies to relax not just the mind but the body as well. Cognitive Behavioral

Therapy teaches one to be one’s own therapist of sorts to be self aware, cognitive, logical, and a clear understanding or present reality. Although some history is needed for a therapist, the primary focus is what is going on in an individuals life at the present and what ways of thinking and behaviors may be improved upon now and in the future to live a more productive and healthier life.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has shown that it is not only effective for depression for a variety of conditions, including mood, anxiety, personality, eating, addiction, dependence, tic, psychotic disorders, and insomnia (Blom et al., 2017). Blom et al. (2017) describes a majority of depressed folks have insomnia, yet lack of sleep can also cause depression or disrupt recovery. The results of the findings were that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has better long-term affects than medication and other psychotherapies. This is important to recognize that the conclusion that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy should be offered, and not just medication and/or psychotherapy. Christian Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is much the same as Cognitive Behavioral therapy with the addition in interweaving a client’s spiritual and religious beliefs similar to what the Ground Theory Analysis revealed (Elena et al., 2019). Shaw et al., (2021) describes Christian Cognitive Therapy as integrating regular therapy techniques such as the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with faith based beliefs and thinking. This integration makes a combined support level alleviating the symptoms of depression and well as other mood disorders. The adversary attacks a person’s thinking by deceiving oneself to believe fallacies about oneself such which includes helplessness, worthlessness, and inability to love (Shaw et al., 2021).

Humanity is not helpless, worthless, unloved, or unable to love as the Bible states contrary to those lies from the adversary (English Standard Bible, 2001/2016, Ephesians 2:8-10, Mathew 6:26, Genesis 1:27,32, Jeremiah 1:5, John 3:16-17).

References

American Psychological Association (2023). Anxiety. https://www.apa.org/topics/anxiety American Psychiatric Association (2023). What Is Depression? https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression.

Blom, K., Jernelöv, S., Rück, C., Lindefors, N., & Kaldo, V. (2017).

Three-Year Follow-Up Comparing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Depression to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia, for Patients With Both Diagnoses. Sleep, 40(8).

In this article the authors elaborate of Christian Counseling Technique of Cognitive Behavior therapy. The article defines the technique and applicable theory. This article demonstrates the effectiveness of Cognitive Therapy for Depression, as well as Insomnia, and with patients with both diagnosis. This is relative to the research of anxiety and depression and effectiveness of this technique and the results to alleviate symptoms of anxiety, and depression.

Davies, M. R., Kalsi, G., Armour, C., Jones, I. R., McIntosh, A. M., Smith, D. J., Walters, J. T. R., Bradley, J. R., Kingston, N., Ashford, S., Beange, I., Brailean, A., Cleare, A. J., Coleman, J. R. I., Curtis, C. J., Curzons, S. C. B., Davis, K. A. S., Dowey, L. R. C., Gault, V. A., . . . NIHR BioResource consortium. (2019).

The genetic links to anxiety and depression (GLAD) study: Online recruitment into the largest recontactable study of depression and anxiety. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 123, 103503-103503.

This article is a comprehensive guide to how anxiety and depression may be linked to genetics, and which populations and genders may be more susceptible to anxiety and depression. The studies, research are impressive and applicable to this research paper on anxiety and depression. Studies and evidence will be provided by scientific studies,especially that of observations, surveys, and genetic histories will be provided.

English Standard Bible, 2001/2016, Ephesians 2:8-10, Mathew 6:26, Genesis 1:27,32, Jeremiah 1:5, John 3:16-17.

Kim, Elena E.; Chen, Eric C.; Brachfeld, Caroline; Kim, Elena E; Chen, Eric C; Brachfeld, Caroline (2019). Patients’ experience of spirituality and change in individual psychotherapy at a Christian counseling clinic: A grounded theory analysis. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 2019, Vol. 6, No. 2, 110–123.

In this article the grounded theory study is revealed by interviewing multiple participants whom state that spiritual experiences are vital to their successful treatment. The participants had various symptoms, traumas, and stressors. The point of the article is to demonstrate the importance for psychotherapy patients to develop safe and secure relationship with their image of God which were positive to Psychosocial Outcomes. Since the participants symptoms included traumas and stressors which results in anxiety and depression this will help support the topic of this paper.

Pearce, M. J., Koenig, H. G., Robins, C. J., Nelson, B., Shaw, S. F., Cohen, H. J., & King, M. B.

(2015). Religiously integrated cognitive behavioral therapy: a new method of treatment for major depression in patients with chronic medical illness. Psychotherapy (Chicago, Ill.), 52(1), 56–66. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036448.

Shaw, Elizabeth (2021). Christian Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Exercises to Try. An excerpt from the book “Get Out of Your Head” by Jennie Allen (2020).

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Life Review Interview and Reflection

Posted on May 19, 2024 by DW

Life Review Interview and Reflection


My interview is of my friend, Kay Van. Kay is a female that is 59 years old. She has three grown adult sons in which two are married and one is in a serious dating relationship. She has two grandchildren from her oldest son, and her second born son is planning for children with his new wife. The interview has been conducted in a casual sense with approximately 15 questions asked which cover childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, to middle adulthood in which that is her current life development stage.


Developmental Analysis and Biblical Integration


From an early age Kay’s identity of self-concept and self-esteem came from spiritual influence. Her earliest memory is of her grandmother braiding her hair while she sat in church on a hardwood pew where she also learned the Lord’s prayer,  “Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (English Standard Bible, 2001/2016, Matthew 6:9-15). A memory that stands out the most was the times she invested with her brother “creeking” catching all sorts of creatures. Her relationship with her brother was and still is very strong and they both learned well how to adapt and make new friends due to the many times they moved throughout their childhood and adolescence. Kay adds that they are both life that to this very day.


The most impactful to self-concept, self-esteem, and self-efficacy as part of psychosocial development and identity formation which is a developmental milestone typically associated with adolescence (Cashion et al., 2019), were driven by when she felt she first discovered who she was which began in childhood, into adolescence, and into early adulthood. Kay Van (2023) stated, “I discovered who I was from sitting on a hillside behind on my house having an out loud conversations with God. I always knew, as far back as I could remember, that I was a child of God, before I even knew what salvation was, because I knew God was there an he was listening to me all the time. I knew I belonged to God. Even though I did not have a father, that He was my father and the champion of the fatherless. Therefore my relationship with Christ instilled in me who I was, and who I am, was and is His. I have and still have regular conversations to this day with my heavenly Father, thanking Him for all that I have to the smallest of things.”


It is evident from Kay’s responses that from childhood all the way into middle adulthood that God, faith and the Bible played an import role and included her development. Furthermore, in regards to Erick Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, Kay leaned on the more positive and growth oriented stages such as identify verses diffusion in adolescence, intimacy verses isolation in young adulthood, and generativity verses stagnation in middle adulthood (Cashion et al., 2019). This is supported and driven by her connection to God, her family, and a mentor, her commanding officer in the army, whom instilled a that passion, drive and promoted her while telling her that she was meant and designed to help people.


When I asked Kay what other things affected her self-concept, self-esteem, and self efficacy as described in (Cashion et al., 2019), she often pointed to faith, family, mentors, but also eluded to the experience of marriage and a painful divorce made one of the biggest impacts in her self esteem with the reply of, “The biggest impact in my self esteem was coming thru the realization coming through a difficult divorce that I am enough. No one defines me. I do not need to change for anyone. I need to change to be a better Christ centered believer. Not a person centered believer” (Kay Van 2023).


When I asked about Kay’s current status and plans for retirement they remained consistent with what built upon her self-concept, self-esteem, and self-efficacy as a child until know that her faith, family and close relationships were most important. That her cognitive abilities have not slowed due to engagement involvements with work, family, the community, community, fitness and exercise. However, because she is looking ahead at her future, what she needs to be successful, and not as to be a burden to her family, she has and still is planning well for retirement. Her plan is to retire between 62 to 64. During retirement she plans on remaining listening well to God, be active in her community, her church, be self sufficient, exercise and travel while remaining financially stable.


Insights


It is evident religion/spirituality played an important role in Kay’s life beginning at childhood, through adolescence, into emerging adulthood, and middle adulthood. I found it not only intriguing and inspirational that she was very outgoing and social all of her life while leaning on her faith in God to be that father figure along with credit wise mentors and family members. Her scope within the psychosocial development phases as described by Erik Erikson (Cashion et al., 2019), was always on the more positive scope which I believe also helped he persevere. In conclusion by combining faith, key family members and wise mentors assists in a healthy development through life’s stages and an ability to overcome and persevere. From my conversations with Kay, I found her to be a very strong woman, a remarkable mother, whom is driven to excel not from a point of perfection, but from life’s experience, a position of constant gratitude, and a genuine sense to make a positive impact in the life of others.

References

Cashion, V., Shriner, B., Shriner, M., & Mossler, R. A. (2019). Lifespan 360: Christian perspectives on human development (2nd ed.). Kendall Hunt.


English Standard Bible. (2016). https://esv.literalword.com/ (Original work published 2001)

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What Do You Value Most?

Posted on May 15, 2024 by DW

What Do You Value Most?

What truly matters to you?
What do you hold most sacred in your life?

Is it your relationship with God, your faith, your family?
Your physical and mental health?
Your education, career, or calling?

All of these are important—especially the first two. But here’s the real question:
Do your thoughts, words, actions, and habits reflect what you say you value?

🕰️ Time and Money: Your True Indicators

Time is priceless. You can earn more money—but never more time.
So let’s do a simple exercise to uncover what you truly value:

📅 Step 1: Review Your Calendar

Look back over the last 3–6 months.

  • Is there time blocked for prayer, devotionals, or Bible reading?
  • Are you investing in your health—gym, walks, rest?
  • Are you scheduling date nights, family time, or intentional moments with your children?

📱 Step 2: Monitor Your Screen Time

Turn on screen time tracking on your phone.

  • How much time is spent on social media, news, or entertainment?
  • Set timers when watching TV or using devices.
  • Ask yourself: Is this time feeding my purpose—or draining it?

💳 Step 3: Audit Your Finances

Review your bank statements and spending habits.

  • Essentials like housing, groceries, and insurance are expected.
  • But where does the rest go?
  • Are you investing in growth, generosity, or experiences that align with your values?

🧭 The Truth Revealed

Your calendar and your bank account often reveal what’s truly important to you.
If the results surprise you, it might be time to recalibrate.

  • Reclaim time for what matters most.
  • Redirect money toward purpose-driven priorities.
  • Reconnect with the people and passions that reflect your deepest values.

Closing Thoughts…

This isn’t about guilt—it’s about growth.
It’s about living intentionally, with clarity and conviction.
Because the things we value most deserve our best time, energy, and investment.

Let’s live like what matters most… actually matters most.

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Be More In 2024 with 1,2,3,4

Posted on November 30, 2023 by DW

So this is my theme and hashtag for my New Year’s Resolution: “Be More In 2024″ #bemorein2024 so as in 1,2,3,4:

1.) Be more present, (anc in the moment), to those whom I love and adore, and manage my time appropriately for that attentive and engaging time.

2.) Be more diligent and mindful in the gym, with what I eat, how much I eat and when I eat. (I am at a weight plateau from my #GetFitStayFit goal & 2020 New Year Resolution and I need to lose 20 more pounds)

3.) Be more proactive in my time management for school to stay ahead of my courses and not get behind.

4.) Be more of an image of Christ revealing more Fruits of The Spirit, exercising my Spiritual Gifts, speaking to others of what I believe and why, and asking others about their story.

So with goals we must put it into a plan, work that plan, measure the results, and see how we did by year end.

What is your 2024 New Year’s Resolution/Goal?

#BeTheChange

#bemorein2024

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Read Me!

Posted on October 2, 2023 by DW

💭 Planning for a Purposeful Retirement: Wisdom from Experience

My goal is simple: to retire comfortably and intentionally. Not with extravagance, but with peace. A modest ranch near water, a few fun toys for loved ones, and the freedom to enjoy life.

But life has a way of testing even the best-laid plans. So how do we get there—especially when time feels short?

🧭 The Roadmap to Financial Freedom

Here’s what I’ve learned through decades of experience in banking, tech, and life itself:

💰 1. Cash Is King

Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase, said it before the 2008 crisis—and it still holds true. Liquidity matters. Flexibility matters. Cash gives you options.

🧾 2. Get Out of Debt—Fast

Start with credit cards. Pay them off. Avoid using them unless absolutely necessary—and always pay within 30 days.
Then tackle vehicle loans. Then your mortgage. Make extra principal payments when possible.

🏦 3. Save Smart

  • Build an emergency fund with at least 6 months of income.
  • Use high-yield savings, CDs, or money markets—not basic accounts that lose to inflation.
  • Consult a certified financial advisor before making major moves.

🪙 4. Invest Wisely

  • Max out your 401(k)—especially if your employer matches. That’s free money.
  • Diversify with gold and silver. Store it securely.
  • Study financial trends. Watch Bloomberg. Learn where money flows.

📉 Understanding Today’s Economy

  • Home values have surged, but so have property taxes and mortgage rates (now triple what they were five years ago).
  • Credit card interest rates average over 20%.
  • Savings accounts barely beat inflation.
  • The cost of living—groceries, rent, gas—is far higher than it was in the late ’90s.

If you earned $50K back then, you’d need $100K today to match it. Don’t let outdated benchmarks mislead your financial decisions.

🧠 Health Is Wealth

Financial freedom means nothing without physical, mental, and spiritual health.

  • Exercise regularly
  • Eat clean
  • Stay hydrated
  • Rest well
  • Manage stress intentionally

🗣️ Why I’m Sharing This

I’ve lived through recessions, inflation, market crashes, and personal setbacks. I’ve been a banker, a tech geek, a researcher, and a VP of Business Banking during the real estate bubble. I’ve bought and sold homes, studied trends, and helped others navigate financial storms.

This isn’t theory—it’s lived experience.
Cash is king. Liquidity is power. Be like water.

If anything here resonates—or if you’re unsure how to apply it—reach out. I’d be honored to help you think through your next steps.

Read this again. Let it sink in. Then act.
Your future self will thank you.

DW

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Cave Time Top 5

Posted on October 1, 2023 by DW

🛑 Sunday Reflections: Cave Time and Clarity

It’s Sunday evening, and I’ve spent this weekend investing in something we often overlook: rest and reflection.

I didn’t skip the gym Friday or Saturday. I got in some motorcycle riding, tackled schoolwork, read, slept well, wrote a bit, caught a few football highlights, and even sparked a few casual conversations with strangers—just enough to share a laugh or a smile.

I call this “cave time.”
A sacred pause. A reset. A moment to breathe.

🧠 When the Mind Is Full

There’s been a lot on my mind lately—and I know I’m not alone.
Many of my loved ones are carrying heavy burdens too.
Maybe you’ve felt it: the weight of uncertainty, the sting of past hurts, the distraction of noise, and the frustration of others’ arrogance or ignorance.

Sometimes, it rubs off on us.
But God never intended for us to live in that space.

Scripture reminds us of this truth again and again.

📖 A Biblical Lens for Mental Clarity

So how do we respond—especially as critical thinkers grounded in a biblical worldview?

We start by taking inventory of what we’re seeing, hearing, and doing.

Paul writes in Philippians 4:8:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise—think about these things.”

And in 2 Timothy 1:7:

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

🔄 My Personal Reset: 5 Commitments

Here are five things I’m recommitting to—starting now:

1. Let Go of the Past

I can’t change what’s behind me.
But I can shape the present and influence the future—through what I think, say, and do.

2. Forgive More Freely

If God can forgive me, I must strive to forgive others.
Unforgiveness breeds bitterness—and bitterness is a prison.
Let’s stop watering those roots.

3. Be Present with People

Phones don’t belong on the dinner table.
I’m making it a point to silence or put away my smartphone—especially when I’m with loved ones.
Time is priceless. People are irreplaceable.

4. Return to Daily Spiritual and Physical Discipline

Back to daily time in the Word.
Back to prayer.
Back to Christian music that uplifts.
Back to movement—whether it’s hiking, walking, biking, or lifting.
Seven days a week, not just four to six.

5. Pause and Apply Discernment

When something stirs anger or conflict in my spirit, I’ll pause.
I’ll ask: What would Jesus have me do?
James 1:19–21 reminds us:

“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger… for human anger doesn’t produce the righteousness of God.”

What About You?

What are your top 3–5 commitments?
What helps you reset, refocus, and realign?

Let’s share.
Because when we open up about healthy habits and spiritual disciplines, we help others grow too.
And that’s one of the best ways to use platforms like this—to encourage, uplift, and inspire.

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It’s that simple…

Posted on June 11, 2023 by DW

Why do we as human beings have a tendency to make religion, faith, the bible, and Christian life so complicated and complex?

The Gospel message is quite simple, and it is not about religion it is about a relationship in which all humans were designed for; with God and others.

God cannot accept sin, and the fall of humanity happened in the Garden of Eden which causes separation from God. A great divide. The wages of sin is death. God so loved humanity they he suffered and died on the cross in Jesus Christ for payment of humanities sin. Jesus is the bridge of the great divide.

This is the gift of eternal life with God by accepting this gift, confessing with your mouth, believing in your heart, repenting, and moving forward to strive to love, lead, teach, serve and live a life as Christ did. To live a life worthy of his horrific crucifixion and death for you.

It is that simple. Really.

Acceptance of Christ, you become an adopted son of the Kingdom of God. You become an apprentice of Jesus Christ. You are a new person through and with Him. You appreciate, enjoy, honor and respect that relationship by gathering with others, learning/worshiping/repenting/serving in church, learning and growing by reading and studying the bible and applying those principles in your life. You share this Good News, the Gospel with others by teaching what Christ taught, striving to live as He did, baptizing others in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And you are never alone as He is always with you.

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Manning Up. How to be a better man in today’s society and digital world.

Posted on November 30, 2022 by DW

Manning Up: An Introduction

Manning Up is a multi-part series sharing what I’ve learned—and continue to learn—about what it means to be a good man, father, friend, and husband. Not perfect—because there is no perfect man, father, friend, or husband. We’re all human. We make mistakes. We fail.

The key is to strive—to grow, to learn from failures, and to gain wisdom along the way. Then, to pass that wisdom on to others—especially those we love and those who genuinely seek it.

My Journey

Looking back on my life—from boyhood to manhood—I’ve always had a mindset of growth. I wanted to be the best version of myself. Later, as my faith deepened through church and ministry, I aspired to be a better man of God.

Raising two daughters and one son has been one of my greatest honors and blessings. Most of that time was as a divorced dad under the “Standard Order of Parenting”—about four days a month, a few hours on Wednesdays, and half the summer. It wasn’t easy, but I made every moment count: attentive, engaging, educational, fun, and nurturing.

I wanted to be the example my daughters would look for in a future husband and the example my son would strive to become. Did I get it right every time? No. But I did my best and trusted God with the rest. When I failed, I owned it, sought forgiveness, and learned from it. That’s a lesson I’ve taught my children too.

Why It Matters

Fatherlessness is an epidemic that erodes families and society. The statistics are alarming—linked to crime, addiction, mental illness, and suicide. (Here’s a great resource: Fatherhood.org).

This is why I prioritize quality time with my kids above almost everything else. Divorce doesn’t mean children divorce their parents. It’s not their fault. They deserve both parents actively engaged in their lives.

Friendship and Time

As I matured, I sought to be the best friend I could be—honorable, loyal, and respectful. Some friends valued that; others didn’t. Over time, I learned that friendship isn’t about quantity—it’s about quality.

Time is precious. You can’t buy more, and you can’t get it back. Large circles of friends often mean shallow relationships. True friends stand by you through ups and downs, offering encouragement, inspiration, and accountability. Others? They disappear when life gets hard—or worse, betray your trust.

Today, my circle is small—and intentional. Remember: you become the average of your five closest friends. Choose wisely.

Marriage and Relationships

Dating and marriage aren’t what they used to be. Many rush into marriage based on fleeting emotions, looks, or image—without understanding the covenant of marriage.

Before a man considers marriage, he must know who he is, where he’s going, what he stands for, and Whom he serves.

Some may ask, “What makes you an expert—especially since you’ve been divorced?” My answer: experience, mistakes, and growth. Years of working with men’s groups, divorce recovery programs, studying relationships, earning mental health certifications, and deep self-discovery have taught me invaluable lessons.

If you don’t learn from mistakes, you’re doomed to repeat them. Wisdom comes from reflection, humility, and discernment.

What’s Next

This series will explore what I believe are the 10 Marks of a Great Man (below)—qualities every man should strive for. These ideas draw from authors like Brian Tome (The 5 Marks of a Man) and John Eldredge (Wild at Heart), but also from my own life experiences.

Boys begin seeking their masculine identity as early as age 10. If they don’t find it at home, they’ll look elsewhere. As men, fathers, and followers of Christ, we must model what true masculinity looks like.

“A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.” – Frank A. Clark

Being a man isn’t about dominance, wealth, or status—it’s about character, responsibility, and love. It’s about showing up when it matters most, leading with humility, and leaving a legacy that outlives you. The world needs men who will rise above mediocrity and embrace the calling to be protectors, providers, and servant leaders. The question is: will you answer that call?

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  1. A good man is a man of his word. His word is his bond. He exudes integrity in all that he says and does. “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” — Proverbs 11:3. “The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” — Proverbs 12:22.
  2. A good man is not a harmless man, a good man is a very dangerous man that has it all under voluntary control. “Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle;” — Psalm 144:1. “When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own palace, his goods are safe” — Luke 11:21. “When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: “Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.” — Nehemiah 4:14
  3. A good loves his wife and children in words, actions & deed. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4–8. “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” — Romans 12:9
  4. A good man can admit where and when he was wrong, apologize & seek forgiveness with humility. “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” Proverbs 28:13. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” — James 5:16.
  5. A good man strives to learn from his mistakes and improve. “For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity” – Proverbs 24:16. “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,” — Philippines 3:13
  6. A good man takes a minority position for what is honorable, true, and right even if he has to stand alone. “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” — Deuteronomy 31:6
  7. A good man has a vision. He regularly sets goals, strives to achieve them. “May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.”- Psalm 20:4. “Where there is no vision, the people perish” — Proverbs 29:18
  8. A good man is a provider and a protector. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” — 1 Timothy 5:8
  9. A good man is a team player. He realizes to be the best he looks to not only a core team, a close and wise circle of influence, but thinks more of those around him, and the team, than he does himself only, be encouraging, inspiring and helping one another with accountability. “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” — Proverbs 27:17. “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” — Proverbs 18:24
  10. A good man works and takes pride in what he does as it is good to work, no matter what job, career or position, he works hard as to the Lord and not unto mankind. He ardently pursues excellence in his work, at home, and whatever he lays his hands to, but not perfectionism. “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going” — Ecclesiastes 9:10. “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,[a] serve the Lord.” — Romans 12:11.  “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,” – Colossians 3:23

My hope is that this introduction sets the stage for what will be an honest, challenging, and inspiring journey through this series. I may refine and expand this section over time, so check back often.

In the chapters ahead, I’ll dive deeper into topics like fatherhood, authentic friendship, relationships, dating, and marriage—exploring what these look like through a lens of true masculinity. I’ll share what I believe a good man should strive to be, and what masculinity truly is (and isn’t).

Expect guest contributions—both men and women—for diverse perspectives. I’ll also include audio podcasts and video content along the way. So bookmark this page, subscribe to the blog, podcast, and YouTube channel, and let’s walk this journey together.

Ready for the next step? Part 2 (Chapter 1) is available here: https://purposeprinciplespassion.com/2022/12/15/manning-up-how-to-be-a-better-man-in-todays-society-and-digital-world-part-2-chapter-1-what-is-a-man/

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Are you “fruity”?

Posted on February 23, 2016 by DW

So abowloffruitre you fruity?  In the bible the fruits of the spirit are discussed.  No, these are not physical fruits in the matter of say a banana or apple.  These are fruits of what God calls the spirit.  That is the Holy Spirit of Christians. The Fruit of the Holy Spirit is a biblical term that sums up nine attributes of a Christian life according to Paul in his Letter to the Galatians “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23.

When you were saved, (That is when you accepted Jesus Christ as you Savior.), confessing your belief in words, openly accepting Him into your heart and life, believing He died, resurrected and sits on the right hand of the throne of God; the fruits of the Spirit were planted inside you in seed form.

The apostle Paul, in his writings put it in these terms: When we were controlled by our old nature, sinful desires were at work within us, and aroused evil desires that produced a harvest of sinful deeds, resulting in death. But now we have been saved and delivered, for we died to our old self, and are no longer captive to its power.

Now we can serve God, but in the new way of living in the Spirit. (Romans 7:5-6 NLT)

On your own, it would be impossible. But when you operate in the Spirit, you have a supernatural ability to overcome. The more you draw near to God, praying and reflecting on His Word, and fellowship with other believers, the more you will experience the fruit of the Spirit in your life.  Remember with God all things are possible!

All of this is instrumented by love.  It is through the love of Jesus Christ and the two most important commandments he said to hang all the law and all the prophets “You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.”  He added, “A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:39).

It is not about words, and not entirely about actions.  It’s our frame of mind and motivation for doing it.  God isn’t nearly as concerned about what we do as He is about the attitudes of our hearts (see 1 Thessalonians 2:4).

Therefore we exude our spiritual gifts through our love.  We shine of these spiritual gifts through love.  The supernatural love used through us by our Creator.  This is how the bible says, “You will know them by their fruits”  Now lets take a micro approach and try to define these fruits.

Love 

Love (Greek: agape, Latin: caritas)
Main article: Agape
Agape denotes a really undefeatable benevolence and unconquerable goodwill, that always seeks the highest of the other, no matter what s/he does. It is the self-giving love that gives freely without asking anything in return, and does not consider the worth of its object. Agape is more a love by choice than philos, which is love by chance; and it refers to the will rather than the emotion. Agape describes the unconditional love God has for the world. Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind.(love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Evelyn Underhill considered love to the “budding point” from which all the other fruits come, referencing 1 John 4:16, “God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him.”

Joy 

Joy (Greek: chara, Latin: gaudium)
The joy referred to here is deeper than mere happiness, is rooted in God and comes from Him. Since it comes from God, it is more serene and stable than worldly happiness, which is merely emotional and lasts only for a time. The fruit of joy is the awareness that God is one’s strength and protector.

Paul wrote in Philippians 4:4, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!”

Joy proceeds from the theological virtue of charity. George Campbell Morgan wrote that “Joy is love’s consciousness.” In Augustine’s Discourse on the Psalms he says, “We are an Easter people and our song is ‘Alleluia'” Noted preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon in his sermon, The Fruit of the Holy Spirit: Joy cited Psalm 144:15, “Happy the people whose God is the Lord.”

This does not mean that a person may not experience sadness on occasion through the death of a loved one, financial trouble, the actions of others, or depression; but underlying the sadness is the sure knowledge that one is still loved by God.

Peace 

Peace (Greek: eirene, Latin: pax)
Peace is the result of resting in a relationship with God. Peace is more than an absence of conflict. It is the tranquil state of a soul fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of what so ever sort that is. It is a kind of equilibrium that comes from trusting that everything is in the hands of God.

The word “peace” comes from the Greek word eirene, the Greek equivalent for the Hebrew word shalom, which expresses the idea of wholeness, completeness, or tranquility in the soul that is unaffected by the outward circumstances or pressures. The word eirene strongly suggests the rule of order in place of chaos. When a person is dominated by peace, he has a calm, inner stability that results in the ability to conduct himself peacefully, even in the midst of circumstances that would normally be very nerve-wracking, traumatic, or upsetting…Rather than allowing the difficulties and pressures of life to break him, a person who is possessed by peace is whole, complete, orderly, stable, and poised for blessing.

Jesus is described as the Prince of Peace, who brings peace to the hearts of those who desire it. He says in John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”.

When having peace with God through the sacrifice of Jesus, we are then able to make peace between men, and also between men and God, also called “evangelism”. It is understood that those who have peace with God, and are therefore sons of God, will act like their Father in heaven and become those who are able to make peace, or be peace makers, as Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” and “If God were your Father, you would love Me, for I proceeded forth and have come from God, for I have not even come on My own initiative, but He sent Me”. So by saying this, Jesus is stating that only those who have received peace with God through Himself, the “sons of God”, are able to make peace, no one else. These sons of God are specified by John when he says, “None of those who are children of God continue to sin, for God’s very nature is in them; and because God is their Father, they cannot continue to sin”. Paul also says, “Never pay back evil for evil. Take thought for what is right in the sight of all men”. Peace, in the Bible, is much more than just a lack of yelling or lack of war, it is the presence of YHWH allowed into a place and a person. Only with the Jewish God is there peace, as Isaiah writes, “‘There is no peace,’ says the Lord, ‘for the wicked.'” Jesus is the Jewish God, and He is alive.

Forbearance (Patience)

Patience (Greek: makrothumia, Latin: longanimitas)
Generally the Greek world applied this word to a man who could avenge himself but did not. This word is often used in the Greek Scriptures in reference to God and his attitude to man. Exodus 34:6 describes the Lord as “slow to anger and rich in kindness and fidelity.”

Patience includes the concepts of forbearance, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear wrongs patiently.

Patience, which in some translations is “longsuffering” or “endurance”, is defined in Strong’s by two Greek words, makrothumia and hupomone.

The first, pronounced (mak-roth-oo-mee-ah) comes from makros, “long”, and thumos, “temper”. The word denotes lenience, forbearance, fortitude, patient endurance, longsuffering. Also included in makrothumia is the ability to endure persecution and ill-treatment. It describes a person who has the power to exercise revenge but instead exercises restraint.

The latter, hupomone, (hoop-om-on-ay) is translated “endurance”: Constancy, perseverance, continuance, bearing up, steadfastness, holding out, patient endurance. The word combines hupo, “under”, and mone, “to remain”. It describes the capacity to continue to bear up under difficult circumstances, not with a passive complacency, but with a hopeful fortitude that actively resists weariness and defeat,  with hupomone (Greek ὑπομονή) being further understood as that which would be “as opposed to cowardice or despondency”

“With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love”

Kindness

Kindness (Greek: chrestotes, Latin: benignitas)
In Greek, old wine was called “chrestos” which meant that it was mellow or smooth. Christ used this word in Matthew 11:30, “For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

In contrast, kindness is acting for the good of people regardless of what they do, properly, “useable, e.g. well-fit for use (for what is really needed); kindness that is also serviceable”.

Kindness is goodness in action, sweetness of disposition, gentleness in dealing with others, benevolence, kindness, affability. The word describes the ability to act for the welfare of those taxing your patience. The Holy Spirit removes abrasive qualities from the character of one under His control.

The word kindness comes from the Greek word chrestotes (khray-stot-ace), which meant to show kindness or to be friendly to others and often depicted rulers, governors, or people who were kind, mild, and benevolent to their subjects. Anyone who demonstrated this quality of chrestotes was considered to be compassionate, considerate, sympathetic, humane, kind, or gentle. The apostle Paul uses this word to depict God’s incomprehensible kindness for people who are unsaved (see Romans 11:22; Ephesians 2:7; Titus 3:4).

One scholar has noted that when the word chrestotes is applied to interpersonal relationships, it conveys the idea of being adaptable to others. Rather than harshly require everyone else to adapt to his own needs and desires, when chrestotes is working in a believer, he seeks to become adaptable to the needs of those who are around him.

Kindness is doing something and not expecting anything in return. Kindness is respect and helping others without waiting for someone to help one back. It implies kindness no matter what. We should live “in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left”

Goodness

Goodness (Greek: agathosune, Latin: bonitas)
The state or quality of being good
Moral excellence; virtue;
Kindly feeling, kindness, generosity,joy in being good
The best part of anything; Essence; Strength;
General character recognized in quality or conduct.
Popular English Bibles (e.g. NIV, NASB, NLT) translate the single Greek word chrestotes into two English words: kindness and goodness. “Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfill all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power”. “For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth”, with agathosune being “found only in Biblical and ecclesiastical writings, uprightness of heart and life

Faithfulness 

Faithfulness (Greek: pistis, Latin: fides)
Faithfulness is committing oneself to something or someone, for instance, to one’s spouse, to a cause, or to a religion. Being faithful requires personal resolve not to wander away from commitments or promises. It’s not always easy to be faithful. True faith requires trust in God. “O Lord, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth”. “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith”.[Eph 3:16-17]

The writer of the Letter to the Hebrews describes it this way: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God”.

The root of pistis (“faith”) is peithô that is to persuade or be persuaded which supplies the core-meaning of faith as being “divine persuasion”, received from God, and never generated by man.

Gentleness 

Gentleness (Greek: prautes, Latin: modestia)
Gentleness, in the Greek, prautes, commonly known as meekness, which is “a divinely-balanced virtue that can only operate through faith (cf. [1 Tim 6:11]; [2 Tim 2:22-25]).

. The New Spirit Filled Life Bible defines gentleness as

“a disposition that is even-tempered, tranquil, balanced in spirit, unpretentious, and that has the passions under control. The word is best translated ‘meekness,’ not as an indication of weakness, but of power and strength under control. The person who possesses this quality pardons injuries, corrects faults, and rules his own spirit well”.

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted”.[Gal 6:1]

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love”.[Eph 4:2]

Self-Control 

Self-control (Greek: egkrateia, Latin: continentia)
The Greek word used in Galatians 5:23 is “egkrateia”, meaning “strong, having mastery, able to control one’s thoughts and actions.”

“…make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love”.[2 Pet 1:5-7]

So may your seeds of the fruits of the spirit be watered daily by the word of God, great bible believing preaching, and fellowship with other believers.  And be very “fruity”!

Blessings,

DW

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